| Ask The Strange Advice Lady |
If You're looking
for a little bit of
good advice...go
find yourself a
qualified
counselor. Our
Strange Advice
Lady has been
found incompetent
to stand trial on
two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel
the spirit of Dear
Abby (the twin that
ISN"T dead).
for a little bit of
good advice...go
find yourself a
qualified
counselor. Our
Strange Advice
Lady has been
found incompetent
to stand trial on
two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel
the spirit of Dear
Abby (the twin that
ISN"T dead).
If you'd like to write to The Strange Advice Lady we beg you to
reconsider. All of these letters are made up and her advice isn't very
good, not even adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she might answer your
letter in her column if she's taken her medication that day.
reconsider. All of these letters are made up and her advice isn't very
good, not even adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she might answer your
letter in her column if she's taken her medication that day.
Dear Strange Advice Lady:
I am a very ordinary, middle-aged man. I have a decent but very boring job working
for the city (I drive the machine that paints lines on the streets), a very well maintained
little house and even a small circle of good friends. Like I said, very ordinary.
Except, occasionally I will kill somebody with my large hunting knife, crack open their
skull, and eat a little chunk of their brain. Usually I go after a homeless person who
won’t be missed. I don’t know what makes me do this and I always end up puking
when I get back home. But a couple of months later I’ll be out looking for my next
victim. What should I do?
Taste For Brains
Dear Taste For Brains;
The reason you keep getting sick is because you’re eating the brains raw. Properly
prepared the human brain is both delicious and nutritious. I suggest you try cutting it
into thin slices and sauté them in virgin olive oil with a sprinkling of oregano. Bon
apetít!
Dear Strange Advice Lady;
I’m having a rather embarrassing problem with my neighbor and I’m hoping you’ll be
able to help me. You see, I’m a single woman who lives in a condo complex and I
have a large picture window in the living room that looks out onto a small courtyard.
Directly across the courtyard is “Mr. Bundle’s” condo, which is identical to mine,
including the same large window. The problem is, it seems that every time I look out
my window I can see Mr. Bundle exercising in his living room, plain as day, as naked
as a jay bird.
Sometimes he’s jogging in place, sometimes he does calisthenics, or sometimes he
might even be “sweatin’ to the oldies.” At any rate, he seems to be completely
oblivious to the fact that all of his neighbors can see him. Or maybe he thinks that
just because he has a buff physique and a really large thingie that everybody wants
to look at him. I’m at a loss on how to handle this. Please help.
Seen Enough
Dear Seen Enough:
As a general rule I don’t get personally involved with the problems of my
correspondents, but this time I felt I had to see for myself what you were going
through. After spending many hours observing the situation, I believe the solution I
came up with was nothing short of genius. A strategically placed fountain outside
your window now adds to your view while hiding your neighbor’s window. I even put a
hidden webcam in the fountain so I can keep an eye on the situation.
I am a very ordinary, middle-aged man. I have a decent but very boring job working
for the city (I drive the machine that paints lines on the streets), a very well maintained
little house and even a small circle of good friends. Like I said, very ordinary.
Except, occasionally I will kill somebody with my large hunting knife, crack open their
skull, and eat a little chunk of their brain. Usually I go after a homeless person who
won’t be missed. I don’t know what makes me do this and I always end up puking
when I get back home. But a couple of months later I’ll be out looking for my next
victim. What should I do?
Taste For Brains
Dear Taste For Brains;
The reason you keep getting sick is because you’re eating the brains raw. Properly
prepared the human brain is both delicious and nutritious. I suggest you try cutting it
into thin slices and sauté them in virgin olive oil with a sprinkling of oregano. Bon
apetít!
Dear Strange Advice Lady;
I’m having a rather embarrassing problem with my neighbor and I’m hoping you’ll be
able to help me. You see, I’m a single woman who lives in a condo complex and I
have a large picture window in the living room that looks out onto a small courtyard.
Directly across the courtyard is “Mr. Bundle’s” condo, which is identical to mine,
including the same large window. The problem is, it seems that every time I look out
my window I can see Mr. Bundle exercising in his living room, plain as day, as naked
as a jay bird.
Sometimes he’s jogging in place, sometimes he does calisthenics, or sometimes he
might even be “sweatin’ to the oldies.” At any rate, he seems to be completely
oblivious to the fact that all of his neighbors can see him. Or maybe he thinks that
just because he has a buff physique and a really large thingie that everybody wants
to look at him. I’m at a loss on how to handle this. Please help.
Seen Enough
Dear Seen Enough:
As a general rule I don’t get personally involved with the problems of my
correspondents, but this time I felt I had to see for myself what you were going
through. After spending many hours observing the situation, I believe the solution I
came up with was nothing short of genius. A strategically placed fountain outside
your window now adds to your view while hiding your neighbor’s window. I even put a
hidden webcam in the fountain so I can keep an eye on the situation.