| The Strange List |
Okay, so now we not only have to worry about terrorist plots to
kill us, we also have an economic collapse hanging over our
heads. But don't despair—as a public service we offer this list of
kill us, we also have an economic collapse hanging over our
heads. But don't despair—as a public service we offer this list of
Ten Bright Spots in the Current Economic Crises
1. The stores are full of unsold goods just waiting to be looted when society
finally crumbles.
2. If you turn over those worthless stock certificates they make high-quality
scratch paper.
3. Most people who are much richer than you lost much more money than you,
so you’re that much closer to being as rich as they are.
4. At least the federal government let the assault weapons ban expire, so you
can buy all the weapons you’ll need to defend your stockpile of canned food and
bottled water.
5. The high unemployment rate should give us more recruits to fight in Iraq,
Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran.
6. At least the price of gas is low. This is fortunate, since a lot of people are
going to be living in their cars.
7. Dominos Pizza is offering a Taste Stimulus Package.
8. We can all rest easy knowing that—thanks to our bailout money—Wall Street
executives won’t have to miss out on their multi-million dollar bonuses.
9. At least we have HDTV. The colors are so crisp and clear it’s like being there.
Who needs a vacation when you have the Travel Channel?
10. Things are so bad that they couldn’t possibly get any worse, so they have to
get better. Logical, right? Right??
finally crumbles.
2. If you turn over those worthless stock certificates they make high-quality
scratch paper.
3. Most people who are much richer than you lost much more money than you,
so you’re that much closer to being as rich as they are.
4. At least the federal government let the assault weapons ban expire, so you
can buy all the weapons you’ll need to defend your stockpile of canned food and
bottled water.
5. The high unemployment rate should give us more recruits to fight in Iraq,
Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran.
6. At least the price of gas is low. This is fortunate, since a lot of people are
going to be living in their cars.
7. Dominos Pizza is offering a Taste Stimulus Package.
8. We can all rest easy knowing that—thanks to our bailout money—Wall Street
executives won’t have to miss out on their multi-million dollar bonuses.
9. At least we have HDTV. The colors are so crisp and clear it’s like being there.
Who needs a vacation when you have the Travel Channel?
10. Things are so bad that they couldn’t possibly get any worse, so they have to
get better. Logical, right? Right??
