| This Month's Fictitious Interview |
President George W. Bush
In this month's hard-hitting interview we
take on the commander-in-chief
himself, asking the tough questions
and even making up the answers so
he won't have to. The first thing we
asked him was if it was all right for us
to call him W. He said no, but we did
anyway.
In this month's hard-hitting interview we
take on the commander-in-chief
himself, asking the tough questions
and even making up the answers so
he won't have to. The first thing we
asked him was if it was all right for us
to call him W. He said no, but we did
anyway.
The Strange Times: So W, let's start with the biggie. The war in Iraq seems to be
losing support on the homefront as it draws on and the word "quagmire" is coming
up more and more. Still no regrets?
George W. Bush: On the contrary, the war on terrorism in Iraq is going splendidly.
I expect it to stay on course until well after I leave office, and if things go badly then,
well, it'll be the next guy's fault. It's true that we've lost two thousand and some
soldiers, but we estimate that we've killed many times that number of enemies during
the war on terrorism. We have a pretty good kill ratio, even better than our kill ratio
in Vietnam. And they've made a lot of great movies from that war.
The Strange Times: Do you really believe that Iraq will become a western-style
democracy?
George W. Bush: Absolutely. Most Iraqis, like most people everywhere, want to be
more like us. How could they possibly prefer mosques and sandals to Wal Mart and
comfortable, sensibly-priced sneakers? It just doesn't make sense.
The Strange Times: We haven't heard much about the big Social Security
overhaul lately. How's that going?
George W. Bush: It was going fine until the cowardly liberals used scare tactics to
frighten seniors into thinking the plan would reduce their benefits. The plan was
actually ingeniously simple. Mostly millionaires invest in the stock market, so if
everybody in the country invested, we'd become a nation of millionaires. Then,
when the poor people become rich, the government will be able to help them more.
The Strange Times: So you think the federal government should only help the rich?
George W. Bush: It's not just me, it's the Republican creed. When we help the rich
get richer then they, in turn, are in a better position to help the poor, with better
paying jobs and benefits and such.
The Strange Times: Then how do you explain the growing disparity of income
between the upper and lower classes?
George W. Bush: Poor people are generally lazy. Top executives deserve to
make a thousand times more than the common workers because they work a
thousand times harder. They're like the general of an army. It might be the foot
soldiers doing the actual fighting and dieing, but without a general to tell them where
and when to fight, they'd be a lot less effective.
The Strange Times: Speaking of armies, don't you think it's a little...uhm, ironic
that somebody who used his daddy's influence to get a position in the national guard
and avoid serving in Vietnam would be so cavalier about sending other people's
sons to risk their lives?
George W. Bush: No, because I'm not sure exactly what ironic means. Or cavleer.
But I do know this; the last time I checked the National Guard was considered to be
military service. So I did serve my country during that war, keeping the skies of
Texas safe from the communists.
The Strange Times: Okay, on a lighter subject; dozens of presidential groupies are
dieing to know: boxers or briefs?
George W. Bush: Actually, I rarely wear underwear, but not for any of the sick,
perverted reasons you're probably thinking. During some of those long, boring
meetings when Rummy or Rove or one of those guys is blathering on and on,
sometimes it's hard to keep your eyes open after awhile. So I'll reach into my pocket
and give my nutsack a hard pinch. It's a little trick I learned back in the days when I
had to sit through board meetings.
The Strange Times: Doesn't that hurt?
George W. Bush: That's the idea. It's an eye-opener.
The Strange Times: Let's talk about cutting taxes. It seems like that's your answer
to everything; the economy, terrorism, high medical costs, whatever the problem it
can be solved by cutting federal income taxes and doing away with capital gains and
inheritance taxes. But if we keep cutting taxes while mounting record deficits onto
our already staggering national debt, won't the government at some point not even
take in enough to pay the interest on our debt?
George W. Bush: Not at all, because as we cut taxes our wealthy citizens have
more money to spend on creating jobs, so the economy grows and the government
actually takes in more money.
The Strange Times: Do the wealthy actually invest this extra money in a way that
creates jobs? Logic tells me that a lot of it would be spent on extravagant
indulgences like a new yacht or a Swiss château, or just thrown onto the pile.
George W. Bush: Yacht makers have to feed their families too. The point is, they
earned the money and should be able to spend it as they see fit, not hand it over to
Big Government so it can be redistributed among poorer folks.
The Strange Times: It seems like all you want to do is cut taxes, but we don't see
you doing anything to cut down the size of big government. In fact, with all the wars
you're running this government spends more than ever.
George W. Bush: Exactly. We cut taxes and spend as much as we can on the
things we want, then eventually Congress will have no choice but to cut back on the
programs we don't like, because we won't be able to afford them. It's a strategy that
was perfected by the Reagan Administration. It was working beautifully too, until my
father blew it with that balanced budget nonsense.
The Strange Times: Let's talk about the high price of fuel. Are you're old buddies
in the oil biz gouging us?
George W. Bush: Don't be ridiculous. The oil business is very risky. Believe me, I
was in it and I lost a lot of other people's money. When the oil supply is threatened,
like by a war or a natural disaster, the oil companies have to grab up profits while
they can, because before you know it some smart-alecky state attorneys general will
start whining about price gouging, whatever that is, and they'll have to drop their
prices back to where they should be.
The Strange Times: One last question; still no regrets about anything?
George W. Bush: Absolutely not. Strong leadership means you decide on a
decision, then stick by it no matter what. Even if something blows up in your face, it
doesn't mean it was bad decision, just that somebody else screwed it up.
losing support on the homefront as it draws on and the word "quagmire" is coming
up more and more. Still no regrets?
George W. Bush: On the contrary, the war on terrorism in Iraq is going splendidly.
I expect it to stay on course until well after I leave office, and if things go badly then,
well, it'll be the next guy's fault. It's true that we've lost two thousand and some
soldiers, but we estimate that we've killed many times that number of enemies during
the war on terrorism. We have a pretty good kill ratio, even better than our kill ratio
in Vietnam. And they've made a lot of great movies from that war.
The Strange Times: Do you really believe that Iraq will become a western-style
democracy?
George W. Bush: Absolutely. Most Iraqis, like most people everywhere, want to be
more like us. How could they possibly prefer mosques and sandals to Wal Mart and
comfortable, sensibly-priced sneakers? It just doesn't make sense.
The Strange Times: We haven't heard much about the big Social Security
overhaul lately. How's that going?
George W. Bush: It was going fine until the cowardly liberals used scare tactics to
frighten seniors into thinking the plan would reduce their benefits. The plan was
actually ingeniously simple. Mostly millionaires invest in the stock market, so if
everybody in the country invested, we'd become a nation of millionaires. Then,
when the poor people become rich, the government will be able to help them more.
The Strange Times: So you think the federal government should only help the rich?
George W. Bush: It's not just me, it's the Republican creed. When we help the rich
get richer then they, in turn, are in a better position to help the poor, with better
paying jobs and benefits and such.
The Strange Times: Then how do you explain the growing disparity of income
between the upper and lower classes?
George W. Bush: Poor people are generally lazy. Top executives deserve to
make a thousand times more than the common workers because they work a
thousand times harder. They're like the general of an army. It might be the foot
soldiers doing the actual fighting and dieing, but without a general to tell them where
and when to fight, they'd be a lot less effective.
The Strange Times: Speaking of armies, don't you think it's a little...uhm, ironic
that somebody who used his daddy's influence to get a position in the national guard
and avoid serving in Vietnam would be so cavalier about sending other people's
sons to risk their lives?
George W. Bush: No, because I'm not sure exactly what ironic means. Or cavleer.
But I do know this; the last time I checked the National Guard was considered to be
military service. So I did serve my country during that war, keeping the skies of
Texas safe from the communists.
The Strange Times: Okay, on a lighter subject; dozens of presidential groupies are
dieing to know: boxers or briefs?
George W. Bush: Actually, I rarely wear underwear, but not for any of the sick,
perverted reasons you're probably thinking. During some of those long, boring
meetings when Rummy or Rove or one of those guys is blathering on and on,
sometimes it's hard to keep your eyes open after awhile. So I'll reach into my pocket
and give my nutsack a hard pinch. It's a little trick I learned back in the days when I
had to sit through board meetings.
The Strange Times: Doesn't that hurt?
George W. Bush: That's the idea. It's an eye-opener.
The Strange Times: Let's talk about cutting taxes. It seems like that's your answer
to everything; the economy, terrorism, high medical costs, whatever the problem it
can be solved by cutting federal income taxes and doing away with capital gains and
inheritance taxes. But if we keep cutting taxes while mounting record deficits onto
our already staggering national debt, won't the government at some point not even
take in enough to pay the interest on our debt?
George W. Bush: Not at all, because as we cut taxes our wealthy citizens have
more money to spend on creating jobs, so the economy grows and the government
actually takes in more money.
The Strange Times: Do the wealthy actually invest this extra money in a way that
creates jobs? Logic tells me that a lot of it would be spent on extravagant
indulgences like a new yacht or a Swiss château, or just thrown onto the pile.
George W. Bush: Yacht makers have to feed their families too. The point is, they
earned the money and should be able to spend it as they see fit, not hand it over to
Big Government so it can be redistributed among poorer folks.
The Strange Times: It seems like all you want to do is cut taxes, but we don't see
you doing anything to cut down the size of big government. In fact, with all the wars
you're running this government spends more than ever.
George W. Bush: Exactly. We cut taxes and spend as much as we can on the
things we want, then eventually Congress will have no choice but to cut back on the
programs we don't like, because we won't be able to afford them. It's a strategy that
was perfected by the Reagan Administration. It was working beautifully too, until my
father blew it with that balanced budget nonsense.
The Strange Times: Let's talk about the high price of fuel. Are you're old buddies
in the oil biz gouging us?
George W. Bush: Don't be ridiculous. The oil business is very risky. Believe me, I
was in it and I lost a lot of other people's money. When the oil supply is threatened,
like by a war or a natural disaster, the oil companies have to grab up profits while
they can, because before you know it some smart-alecky state attorneys general will
start whining about price gouging, whatever that is, and they'll have to drop their
prices back to where they should be.
The Strange Times: One last question; still no regrets about anything?
George W. Bush: Absolutely not. Strong leadership means you decide on a
decision, then stick by it no matter what. Even if something blows up in your face, it
doesn't mean it was bad decision, just that somebody else screwed it up.
| PEACE FORCE A science fiction novel by J.W. Lengel the creator and contributing editor of The Strange Times |
Available now from your favorite
bookseller or at the
PublishAmerica.com online bookstore.
Publish America, Science Fiction,
ISBN: 1-4241-1220-6
For more information about the book
or author visit jwlengel.com
bookseller or at the
PublishAmerica.com online bookstore.
Publish America, Science Fiction,
ISBN: 1-4241-1220-6
For more information about the book
or author visit jwlengel.com
Its the year 2051 and for the past
twenty years Earth has belonged to an
Intergalactic Organization, trading raw
materials for advanced alien technology.
twenty years Earth has belonged to an
Intergalactic Organization, trading raw
materials for advanced alien technology.
To enforce international law & order, Earth has formed a type of world
government with a large standing military called the World Peace Force
government with a large standing military called the World Peace Force
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