Bonus Interview
| We got an exclusive interview with Duke Chuttem, fictional NRA spokesman, about their bold new plan for gun control. |
The Strange Times: So, Mr. Chuttem--
Duke Chuttem: Actually, that's pronounced shoot-em.
The Strange Times: Of course it is. I understand that you want to talk about a
new NRA initiative for gun control. Doesn't the NRA generally oppose any form of
gun control?
Duke Chuttem: That's a common misconception. We are against jack-booted
government thugs who want to take our weapons away from the American people,
but we're in favor of responsible gun use and ownership. That's why we came up
with the "Gun in Every Pocket" initiative.
The Strange TImes: Gun in every pocket?
Duke Chuttem: That's right. We believe that every American not only has a right,
but a duty to a carry a weapon at all times. Every citizen, from the age of
twenty-one, would be required to own and carry a handgun. Old enough to drink,
old enough to shoot.
The Strange Times: I'm not sure that qualifies as gun control.
Duke Chuttem: That's because you've been brainwashed by the liberal pinko
wussies who would like to take away all of the guns and give ourselves back to the
British. The fact is, our plan would make gun control easier because there's no
guesswork about who has a weapon-- everybody has at least one. In preparation
for a lifetime of gun ownership all children would be taught gun safety and
marksmanship in the schools.
The Strange Times: What about convicted criminals? Would they still be denied?
Duke Chuttem: Let's face it, they're going to have guns whether it's legal or not.
That's what makes them criminals, they don't obey the law. If we require them to
own a gun, that's a law they'll be more likely to obey. So right there we've
decreased crime. And studies have shown that a well-armed populace is the best
deterrent to criminal activity.
The Strange Times: What Studies?
Duke Chuttem: Good, legitimate studies which we conducted ourselves. For
example, we found that at our monthly meetings, where everybody is armed,
nobody has been robbed, raped or murdered for nearly a year.
The Strange Times: How about simple assault?
Duke Chuttem: Only four.
The Strange Times: Very compelling. But don't you worry that if everyone was
carrying a gun that any heated argument might suddenly turn into a gunfight?
Duke Chuttem: Survival of the fittest. That's just natural selection at work.
The Strange Times: The fittest being those with the quickest draw and best aim?
Duke Chuttem: Absolutely. As God intended.
The Strange Times: What about people who don't like guns and refuse to carry
or even own one?
Duke Chuttem: Our plan provides an exemption for wussies who could show they
are too cowardly or inept to carry a weapon. They would be given these concentric
circle badges to wear on their chest to show they're unarmed.
The Strange Times: That looks a lot like a target.
Duke Chuttem: Now that you mention it, I guess it does a little.
The Strange Times: Aren't you even a little concerned that such a large increase
in the number of gun owners is bound to cause an equally large increase in the
number of accidental shootings? Especially by children?
Duke Chuttem: Absolutely not. That's why we make gun safety part of their
regular studies. Guns aren't dangerous at all if you know what you're doing. Let
me show you what I mean with my nine mil-- AAAAAH! F##k!
The Strange Times: Are you all right?
Duke Chuttem: It's that f##king hair trigger. I don't think it hit anything vital, but
I'm just going to lay down here on the floor. Do you have a phone?
The Strange Times: Right, I'm calling 911.
Editor's Note: Duke Chuttem survived his wound and is recovering at his parent's
farm in Wyoming where he is already able to kill small animals around the yard.
Duke Chuttem: Actually, that's pronounced shoot-em.
The Strange Times: Of course it is. I understand that you want to talk about a
new NRA initiative for gun control. Doesn't the NRA generally oppose any form of
gun control?
Duke Chuttem: That's a common misconception. We are against jack-booted
government thugs who want to take our weapons away from the American people,
but we're in favor of responsible gun use and ownership. That's why we came up
with the "Gun in Every Pocket" initiative.
The Strange TImes: Gun in every pocket?
Duke Chuttem: That's right. We believe that every American not only has a right,
but a duty to a carry a weapon at all times. Every citizen, from the age of
twenty-one, would be required to own and carry a handgun. Old enough to drink,
old enough to shoot.
The Strange Times: I'm not sure that qualifies as gun control.
Duke Chuttem: That's because you've been brainwashed by the liberal pinko
wussies who would like to take away all of the guns and give ourselves back to the
British. The fact is, our plan would make gun control easier because there's no
guesswork about who has a weapon-- everybody has at least one. In preparation
for a lifetime of gun ownership all children would be taught gun safety and
marksmanship in the schools.
The Strange Times: What about convicted criminals? Would they still be denied?
Duke Chuttem: Let's face it, they're going to have guns whether it's legal or not.
That's what makes them criminals, they don't obey the law. If we require them to
own a gun, that's a law they'll be more likely to obey. So right there we've
decreased crime. And studies have shown that a well-armed populace is the best
deterrent to criminal activity.
The Strange Times: What Studies?
Duke Chuttem: Good, legitimate studies which we conducted ourselves. For
example, we found that at our monthly meetings, where everybody is armed,
nobody has been robbed, raped or murdered for nearly a year.
The Strange Times: How about simple assault?
Duke Chuttem: Only four.
The Strange Times: Very compelling. But don't you worry that if everyone was
carrying a gun that any heated argument might suddenly turn into a gunfight?
Duke Chuttem: Survival of the fittest. That's just natural selection at work.
The Strange Times: The fittest being those with the quickest draw and best aim?
Duke Chuttem: Absolutely. As God intended.
The Strange Times: What about people who don't like guns and refuse to carry
or even own one?
Duke Chuttem: Our plan provides an exemption for wussies who could show they
are too cowardly or inept to carry a weapon. They would be given these concentric
circle badges to wear on their chest to show they're unarmed.
The Strange Times: That looks a lot like a target.
Duke Chuttem: Now that you mention it, I guess it does a little.
The Strange Times: Aren't you even a little concerned that such a large increase
in the number of gun owners is bound to cause an equally large increase in the
number of accidental shootings? Especially by children?
Duke Chuttem: Absolutely not. That's why we make gun safety part of their
regular studies. Guns aren't dangerous at all if you know what you're doing. Let
me show you what I mean with my nine mil-- AAAAAH! F##k!
The Strange Times: Are you all right?
Duke Chuttem: It's that f##king hair trigger. I don't think it hit anything vital, but
I'm just going to lay down here on the floor. Do you have a phone?
The Strange Times: Right, I'm calling 911.
Editor's Note: Duke Chuttem survived his wound and is recovering at his parent's
farm in Wyoming where he is already able to kill small animals around the yard.
| PEACE FORCE A science fiction novel by J.W. Lengel the creator and contributing editor of The Strange Times |
Available now from your favorite
bookseller or at the
PublishAmerica.com online bookstore.
Publish America, Science Fiction,
ISBN: 1-4241-1220-6
For more information about the book
or author visit jwlengel.com
bookseller or at the
PublishAmerica.com online bookstore.
Publish America, Science Fiction,
ISBN: 1-4241-1220-6
For more information about the book
or author visit jwlengel.com
Its the year 2051 and Turner Andrews
is a covert operations officer in the
World Peace Force, a loyal soldier for
the world government. Until he
is a covert operations officer in the
World Peace Force, a loyal soldier for
the world government. Until he
discovers corruption at the top of his chain of command and decides he
must expose the leaders that he's sworn to obey...or die trying.
must expose the leaders that he's sworn to obey...or die trying.
Thank You for supporting our sponsors
