| Ask The Strange Advice Lady |
If You're looking for a
little bit of good
advice...go find yourself
a qualified counselor.
Our Strange Advice
Lady has been found
incompetent to stand
trial on two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel the
spirit of Dear Abby (the
twin that ISN"T dead).
little bit of good
advice...go find yourself
a qualified counselor.
Our Strange Advice
Lady has been found
incompetent to stand
trial on two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel the
spirit of Dear Abby (the
twin that ISN"T dead).
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I never thought I would ever be writing to you for advice, but I
suddenly find myself with a terrible problem and I’m at my wit’s end.
We were recently “found” by my husband’s long-lost half sister,
“Marcia.” She was a drug addicted homeless person for a number of
years and is a certifiable lunatic. She claims to be off the drugs and
apparently some nosy therapist helped her to locate us, the only
family she has left. You guessed it--my husband insisted on taking
her in and helping her get her life back together.
She’s been living with us for a couple of weeks now. The woman is
on three different psychiatric medications, she talks to herself
occasionally, and once in awhile some shady-looking “friends” will
stop by for a short visit. Plus she sometimes disappears for hours
with no explanation.
I mean, she’s an adult and can do what she wants, but she’s living in
my house and I’m scared to death of her. I’ve been sleeping with our
gun under my pillow.
SCARED OF SIS
DEAR SCARED OF SIS;
You’re husband is a saint for wanting to help out his long-lost sister,
and I’m sure that she probably isn’t dangerous as long as she takes
all of her medication. That said, just make sure that your gun’s
safety is on until you need it. Safety first.
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I lost my legs ten years ago in a shark attack. I’ve gotten used to the
prosthetics, but what I can’t get used to is the reactions I get when I
try to date. Either the guy is totally freaked out by it, or he’s a freak
that only likes girls with missing limbs. One guy even wanted me to
let him tie my hands behind my back and pretend I didn’t have arms
either.
Okay, I know I have a very visible handicap. But why can’t I find a
guy that sees the real me and not just a girl with no legs?
LEGLESS IN SEATTLE
DEAR LEGLESS IN SEATTLE
Good luck with that, sister. Men are pigs. Heterosexual men,
anyway. Unfortunately, for heterosexual women they’re the only
game in town. If you keep looking, eventually you’ll find you’re prince
charming, but he’s not going to be easy to find. In the meantime you
might want to consider amusing yourself with one of those paraplegic
fetishists that isn’t too weird.
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I’ve had a gambling problem my whole life, ever since I learned to
pitch pennies in elementary school. But it seems like as I got older,
my problem got worse. Eventually I lost everything; our savings, our
cars, our house, my job, then my wife left me and took the kids. Now I’
m living in a $150 a month hovel and working as a busboy, but I’m
two months behind on my rent already because all of my money goes
to lottery tickets and a weekly poker game. Is there any hope for
me? My only consolation is that I can’t fall any lower.
ON A LOSING STREAK
DEAR ON A LOSING STREAK;
Wanna bet? You’re not living on the street with only the clothes on
your back and eating out of garbage cans. Yet. The problem with
you so-called “addicts” is that you take a good thing like gambling,
alcohol or heroin and you become obsessed with it. I enjoy it, so why
shouldn’t I be able to do it all the time? All good things should be
enjoyed in moderation so they don’t take over your life.
I never thought I would ever be writing to you for advice, but I
suddenly find myself with a terrible problem and I’m at my wit’s end.
We were recently “found” by my husband’s long-lost half sister,
“Marcia.” She was a drug addicted homeless person for a number of
years and is a certifiable lunatic. She claims to be off the drugs and
apparently some nosy therapist helped her to locate us, the only
family she has left. You guessed it--my husband insisted on taking
her in and helping her get her life back together.
She’s been living with us for a couple of weeks now. The woman is
on three different psychiatric medications, she talks to herself
occasionally, and once in awhile some shady-looking “friends” will
stop by for a short visit. Plus she sometimes disappears for hours
with no explanation.
I mean, she’s an adult and can do what she wants, but she’s living in
my house and I’m scared to death of her. I’ve been sleeping with our
gun under my pillow.
SCARED OF SIS
DEAR SCARED OF SIS;
You’re husband is a saint for wanting to help out his long-lost sister,
and I’m sure that she probably isn’t dangerous as long as she takes
all of her medication. That said, just make sure that your gun’s
safety is on until you need it. Safety first.
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I lost my legs ten years ago in a shark attack. I’ve gotten used to the
prosthetics, but what I can’t get used to is the reactions I get when I
try to date. Either the guy is totally freaked out by it, or he’s a freak
that only likes girls with missing limbs. One guy even wanted me to
let him tie my hands behind my back and pretend I didn’t have arms
either.
Okay, I know I have a very visible handicap. But why can’t I find a
guy that sees the real me and not just a girl with no legs?
LEGLESS IN SEATTLE
DEAR LEGLESS IN SEATTLE
Good luck with that, sister. Men are pigs. Heterosexual men,
anyway. Unfortunately, for heterosexual women they’re the only
game in town. If you keep looking, eventually you’ll find you’re prince
charming, but he’s not going to be easy to find. In the meantime you
might want to consider amusing yourself with one of those paraplegic
fetishists that isn’t too weird.
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I’ve had a gambling problem my whole life, ever since I learned to
pitch pennies in elementary school. But it seems like as I got older,
my problem got worse. Eventually I lost everything; our savings, our
cars, our house, my job, then my wife left me and took the kids. Now I’
m living in a $150 a month hovel and working as a busboy, but I’m
two months behind on my rent already because all of my money goes
to lottery tickets and a weekly poker game. Is there any hope for
me? My only consolation is that I can’t fall any lower.
ON A LOSING STREAK
DEAR ON A LOSING STREAK;
Wanna bet? You’re not living on the street with only the clothes on
your back and eating out of garbage cans. Yet. The problem with
you so-called “addicts” is that you take a good thing like gambling,
alcohol or heroin and you become obsessed with it. I enjoy it, so why
shouldn’t I be able to do it all the time? All good things should be
enjoyed in moderation so they don’t take over your life.
If you'd like to write to The Strange Advice Lady we
beg you to reconsider. All of these letters are made
up and her advice isn't very good, not even
adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she
might answer your letter in her column if she's taken
her medication that day.
beg you to reconsider. All of these letters are made
up and her advice isn't very good, not even
adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she
might answer your letter in her column if she's taken
her medication that day.
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