for a little bit of
good advice...go
find yourself a
qualified
counselor. Our
Strange Advice
Lady has been
found incompetent
to stand trial on
two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel
the spirit of Dear
Abby (the twin that
ISN"T dead).
I work in the main office of a regional company and I enjoy my job
even though the boss is kind of a jerk. The main reason that he’s a
jerk is that everybody knows that he’s having an affair with another
lady in the office. I’m acquainted with his wife and I feel guilty about
keeping this secret from her, but if I told her I would probably lose my
job. What should I do?
TORN IN IDAHO
DEAR TORN IN IDAHO;
Lose your job? Are you kidding? But you don’t want to deal in
gossip--you need some irrefutable proof. Maybe some intimate e-
mails, incriminating photos or some graphic video. Once you have
the evidence, you will not only have job security, you’ll be able to get
a raise, maybe a promotion, or even a big wad of cash, depending
on how desperate the boss is to keep his extracurricular activities a
secret.
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I would like to air my personal pet peeve; those guys that stand at
busy intersections with a handwritten sign that says “will work for
food” or something like that. I’ve read that on a good day they might
take in $100 in a few hours. None of them is really interested in
working, and most of them aren’t even that interested in food.
Whatever money you give them is mostly going to go for drugs and
booze. They make me so mad I just want to “accidentally” swerve
my car right over them.
FED UP WITH FREELOADERS
DEAR FED UP WITH FREELOADERS;
I disagree with your position completely. These people provide a
valuable service to their “customers”--they make them feel good
about themselves because they think they helped to feed the
hungry. Also, the drug addict doesn’t have to rob or steal to get his
fix for the day, so it’s win-win.
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I’m one of those people who thought they would never be in need of
your advice, but I have this new boyfriend that I’m crazy about and I
have a problem. He’s absolutely perfect in every way except that he’
s crazy about snakes and reptiles and I’m deathly afraid of them. I
just always have been.
He has a couple of big snakes and several small ones, plus an
iguana and a couple of other lizards. Usually he keeps them in their
glass cages but sometimes he’ll let one or more out in the house. I
haven’t spent much time at his house yet and I kept enough distance
from the creatures to avoid freaking out, but it wasn’t easy.
I haven’t told “Roy” about my phobia yet because I’m afraid that it
might be a deal-breaker for him since he’s so passionate about
these disgusting monsters. But he’s going to figure it out when I run
screaming from his house. What should I do? Do I have any hope
of a future with Roy?
SCARED OF SNAKES
DEAR SCARED OF SNAKES;
If you’re really serious about Roy you’re going to have to overcome
your fears. You might be able to do that with years of therapy, but
the faster and more effective method is to face your fears head-on.
First, explain your problem to Roy and tell him that you care so much
about your relationship that you want him to help you overcome it.
You will have him strap you down to a comfortable surface such as a
bed or coffee table. Then he will bring in all of his snakes and
lizards and let them crawl all over you. Yes, you will cry and scream,
and you might even soil yourself. That’s all part of the process. But
within a few hours all of your fear will be numbed out of you and you’
ll realize that the creatures are harmless
beg you to reconsider. All of these letters are made
up and her advice isn't very good, not even
adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she
might answer your letter in her column if she's taken
her medication that day.
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