| Ask The Strange Advice Lady |
If You're looking
for a little bit of
good advice...go
find yourself a
qualified
counselor. Our
Strange Advice
Lady has been
found incompetent
to stand trial on
two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel
the spirit of Dear
Abby (the twin that
ISN"T dead).
for a little bit of
good advice...go
find yourself a
qualified
counselor. Our
Strange Advice
Lady has been
found incompetent
to stand trial on
two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel
the spirit of Dear
Abby (the twin that
ISN"T dead).
DEAR STRANGE ADVICE LADY;
I am very concerned about my mother. She’s getting on in years and, while
she hasn’t been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or anything like that, she has
started to show some signs of dementia. The thing is, recently this man,
“Jack,” moved in with her and they’re talking about getting married. Dad
passed on almost ten years ago and I’m sure she’s been lonely. The thing
is, while she isn’t wealthy by any means, Dad left her enough to make sure
she could live comfortably for the rest of her life.
I’m afraid that Jack is nothing but a gold digger that’s after her money. For
one thing he’s five years her junior and fairly attractive for an old guy.
Also, I heard that he was practically homeless before he moved in with her,
sleeping on the couch of an acquaintance.
Most disturbing of all, I hired a private detective to do some checking and
learned that he’s been married seven times before. When I told my mother
this she just said, “Seven? Wow. He told me he’s been married a few times
but I assumed it was no more than five.”
What can I do to protect my mom before it’s too late?
CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN ORLANDO
DEAR CONCERNED DAUGHTER;
You’re right to be concerned. The problem is that guy’s like that know just
how to manipulate a lonely lady by showering her with kindness and
attention. She thinks she loves him, so she’ll never listen to anything bad
that you or anybody else says about him. You’ll have to take a more
proactive stance and eliminate him.
No, I’m not saying that you should murder him. That would be ridiculous
advice. It would be way too easy for the police to trace the murder back to
you. Instead, you should frame him for murdering a hooker.
It’s not as complicated as it sounds. First, you hire a hooker to entice him
to a motel room and get him drunk until he passes out so you can take
pictures of them in bed together. Then when her back is turned you
strangle the hooker with Jack’s belt and put her in the bed with him. You
head for the nearest payphone to call 911 and report sounds of a struggle
coming from the motel room, then head home to wait for your mother to call
and tell you the news. Try not to say “I told you so.”
I am very concerned about my mother. She’s getting on in years and, while
she hasn’t been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or anything like that, she has
started to show some signs of dementia. The thing is, recently this man,
“Jack,” moved in with her and they’re talking about getting married. Dad
passed on almost ten years ago and I’m sure she’s been lonely. The thing
is, while she isn’t wealthy by any means, Dad left her enough to make sure
she could live comfortably for the rest of her life.
I’m afraid that Jack is nothing but a gold digger that’s after her money. For
one thing he’s five years her junior and fairly attractive for an old guy.
Also, I heard that he was practically homeless before he moved in with her,
sleeping on the couch of an acquaintance.
Most disturbing of all, I hired a private detective to do some checking and
learned that he’s been married seven times before. When I told my mother
this she just said, “Seven? Wow. He told me he’s been married a few times
but I assumed it was no more than five.”
What can I do to protect my mom before it’s too late?
CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN ORLANDO
DEAR CONCERNED DAUGHTER;
You’re right to be concerned. The problem is that guy’s like that know just
how to manipulate a lonely lady by showering her with kindness and
attention. She thinks she loves him, so she’ll never listen to anything bad
that you or anybody else says about him. You’ll have to take a more
proactive stance and eliminate him.
No, I’m not saying that you should murder him. That would be ridiculous
advice. It would be way too easy for the police to trace the murder back to
you. Instead, you should frame him for murdering a hooker.
It’s not as complicated as it sounds. First, you hire a hooker to entice him
to a motel room and get him drunk until he passes out so you can take
pictures of them in bed together. Then when her back is turned you
strangle the hooker with Jack’s belt and put her in the bed with him. You
head for the nearest payphone to call 911 and report sounds of a struggle
coming from the motel room, then head home to wait for your mother to call
and tell you the news. Try not to say “I told you so.”
If you'd like to write to The Strange Advice Lady we
beg you to reconsider. All of these letters are made
up and her advice isn't very good, not even
adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she
might answer your letter in her column if she's taken
her medication that day.
beg you to reconsider. All of these letters are made
up and her advice isn't very good, not even
adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she
might answer your letter in her column if she's taken
her medication that day.
