little bit of good
advice...go find yourself
a qualified counselor.
Our Strange Advice
Lady has been found
incompetent to stand
trial on two separate
occasions and she
claims to channel the
spirit of Dear Abby (the
twin that ISN"T dead).
I am a man in my early thirties with a good job and I’m reasonably
attractive, but I’ve never met the right girl to marry. According to my
friends, it’s because I spend too much of my time at home on my
computer. But the laugh’s on them, because I recently met the girl of
my dreams on-line.
She’s a swimsuit model who also designs jewelry and other
accessories. She sent me a photo and I swear she looks just like a
younger Christie Brinkley. She was really anxious to meet me, but all
of her money was tied up in investments and she wasn’t going to have
enough cash until after the first of the year. So I wired her five
thousand to pay for a week-long trip and she’s due to arrive this
weekend.
The thing is, I’m wracked with guilt because I lied about myself. I told
her I was the manager of my department when I’m actually only the
assistant manager. Do you think I should fess up before our
relationship goes any further?
Liar In Love
Dear Liar In Love;
I wouldn’t worry about it. I seriously doubt that you’re ever going to
hear from the young Ms. Brinkley again.
Dear Strange Advice Lady;
I’m a single, successful woman living in a medium-sized Midwestern
city. I’m well-respected in my community, but I have a shameful
problem. I’m a kleptomaniac. I’ve been shoplifting since I was a
teenager, stealing makeup, jewelry, clothing and even small
appliances. Lately I’ve even started stealing from co-workers and
clients every chance I get.
I know that it’s wrong, but I just can’t seem to help myself. I’ve never
been caught, but it scares me to think of what would happen if I did get
caught. What should I do?
Sticky Fingers
Dear Sticky Fingers;
Get me one of those new mini iPods and I’ll pay you half of the retail
price. Oh, and you should probably get some counseling or
something. But first try to get me that iPod.
Dear Strange Advice Lady;
I have this great boyfriend except for one problem: His dog hates me.
He says it’s my imagination because the dog behaves when he’s in the
room. But when he’s not around it will growl at me and snap if I come
too close. It’s gotten to the point where I’m afraid to spend the night
because the beast might attack me in my sleep. Is there some way I
can win the dog over?
Afraid of Cujo
Dear Afraid of Cujo;
No. Once a creature like that decides it doesn’t like you, nothing is
going to change its mind. Fortunately, dogs will usually eat anything
that smells like meat, even if it’s poisonous. Nuff said.
beg you to reconsider. All of these letters are made
up and her advice isn't very good, not even
adequate. However, if you insist on writing send your
email to advice@thestrangetimes.com and she
might answer your letter in her column if she's taken
her medication that day.
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