buy and countless get-togethers--you can’t please
everyone. So, as a service to our readers, we have
compiled a list of our
Top Ten Holiday Excuses
supposed to go to an AA meeting that night.
2. Sorry, I can’t get you the new Playstation because I’m
boycotting Japan to protest the trade deficit. (Substitute
China, Taiwan, Korea, etc. for other extravagant gifts.)
3. Diamond sales might support wars in Africa, so I got you
the cubic zirconia.
4. Actually, I’m Jewish. But you’d like to come to temple
maybe?
5. I’m disgusted with the commercialization of Christmas,
so instead of buying you a gift I donated the money to the
less fortunate. (It’s not lying--didn’t you give thirty-six
cents to that guy begging for change outside the
supermarket?)
6. Sorry kids, but I just heard on the news that Santa
entered restricted airspace and got shot down somewhere
in Virginia.
7. Who knew that all the stores would be closed by six on
Christmas eve?
8. I’m scheduled to have surgery that night. I could skip
it…but then I would die.
9. They were all out of the new Nintendo machine, so I got
you the GameCube instead. The sales clerk said it’s just as
good.
10. Did you vote for the Democrat? THAT’S why I didn’t get
you a gift, you son of a bitch.
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