Ten Bad Commercials
year watching, listening to and looking at advertisements?
Enough time to read War and Peace from cover to cover.
Okay, we just made that up, but it sounded good. The
point is, this wouldn't be such a terrible problem if it
weren't for the fact that most of these commercials are so
incredibly awful and the people bringing them to us don't
seem to know it. So we're here to tell them with another
list of ten commercials that really suck.
the showgirls dressed up as hamburger fixings go down a slide into a big
pile on a giant bun. Never before have beautiful women been made to
look so disturbingly unattractive.
#2 Burger King. They must be trying to intentionally make bad
commercials. That's the only way to explain the series with the insolent
Whopper Jr. arguing with his jerk of a father, Whopper. Could some
advertising genius actually believe that people like their food to behave
as a dysfunctional family?
#3 Arby's. They have those stupid commercials where the big red
Arby's hat starts floating over people's heads whenever they're thinking
about eating at Arby's. Come on. In real life everybody would start
screaming "Look out! There's a giant red thing floating above your
head!"
#4 Trimspa. They have Anna Nicole Smith showing off her new slimmer
form and saying "Trimspa baby." We're sure she did lose the weight
with the help of Trimspa. Plus a personal trainer, a nutritionist, and
probably a plastic surgeon.
#5 Arby's. They must use the same ad agency as Burger King. To
promote some lean chicken thing they have a spot with a supposed Hulk
Hogan who is beyond skinny, almost skeletal. We can't say exactly why,
just that the commercial is disturbing.
#6 Arby's. They have that other commercial for the same sandwich
that features a very, very old lady speaking with the voice of Joan
Rivers. She announces that in honor of the natural chicken sandwich
she decided to go natural, somehow undoing her many cosmetic
surgeries. These commercials are really creeping us out, guts. Please
stop.
#7 Angel Soft Toilet Paper. You've seen the commercials-- with the
two guys who are the cheesiest excuse for angels ever changing the
toilet paper. The worst part of it, though, is when the overweight balding
angel says "Oui, oui." and the other one says "You're speaking French."
and he replies "No, I just really have to go." This might be the lamest
attempt at a joke in the history of televised commercials, and that's
saying a lot.
#8 DQ. The ad is for their Flamethrower Burger. As the office guy eats
one his desk and everything he touches starts to catch fire, then he
shoots fire out of his mouth. Soon his whole office is engulfed in flames
and the sprinklers go off as his co-workers start to panic. The message
is; if you like to watch things burn you'll enjoy our burger.
#9 Pepsi. They probably think their Jackie Chan ad is really clever.
The Pepsi can's agent insists on a stunt double if the can appears in
Chan's movie. So they're filming and someone yells "Stunt double!"
Then a Coke can is put in the Pepsi can's place to be crushed by a foot.
The thing is, Americans admire macho actors who claim to do their own
stunts, so Pepsi comes across as sort of a wussy.
#10 Taco Bell. Apparently they have this thing that's like a Ceasar's
salad wrapped in a burrito shell, which is kind of like a toga apparently.
So why not promote it with obnoxious college-aged kids in togas, making
obnoxious cracks about peeking under the burrito's little toga? This did
not make us want to run out to Taco Bell.
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