This month we take on the former
First lady, junior Senator from New
York and possible Presidential
candidate, asking the hard-hitting
questions and even supplying the
answere, 'cause we're good that way.
The first thing we asked was if she
had a (wink, wink) open marriage.
Then she sprayed us with mace.
After thoroughly rinsing our eyes we
continued the interviewl
second-- in a figurative sense of course, let me say that I will probably vote for you
if you run for President In 2008.
Hillary Clinton: Thank you very much. Now I know I’ve got ten for sure. Or at
least probably.
The Strange Times: Having said that, though, why do you think people see you
as such as a tight-assed bitch?
Hillary Clinton: It’s the old double standard. If a man is aggressive, driven, and
strives to reach his goals it wins him respect. If you’re a woman it makes you a
monstrous bitch.
The Strange Times: Is it still really that tough for a woman in the U.S. Senate to
get respect?
Hillary Clinton: The Senate is still very much run by the old boy’s network. They
don’t mind letting a few of us girls into their club, as long as we sit quietly and wait
until somebody asks for the woman’s point of view. But as our numbers grow, so
will our individual influence.
The Strange Times: But you already seem to have incredible influence on the
Democratic side for a first-term Senator. Is that just because you have the name
recognition?
Hillary Clinton: On the contrary. More like the name has been a burden I have to
bear. Don’t get me wrong, Bill was a good President. Maybe even a great
President, although not as great as I would be. But his name is forever tainted with
the stain of sleazy, illicit sex.
The Strange Times: So how are things between you and your husband now?
Hillary Clinton: The thing is, Bill is a brilliant politician because he has this
amazing way of influencing people. But it doesn’t just work in politics. He honed
his skills in high school talking freshman girls out of their panties. It’s like a
sickness for him, he can’t help himself from going after another conquest. Like
sexaholics anonymous stuff. I always knew that he was a hopeless horndog, but
you would just think the dumbass could have kept it in his pants while we were in
the White House, knowing what a fish bowl the President lives in. For that, I’m still a
little pissed.
The Strange Times: How about Monica? Want to wish her luck in her latest
venture?
Hillary Clinton: I can’t deny that I’ve had fantasies about bitch-slapping that little
slut, with maybe a little hair-pulling and eye scratching thrown in for good measure.
With Bill it’s a sickness, but she just wanted to do my man because he was
President.
The Strange Times: I know a fight promoter-- we could probably set that up.
Hillary Clinton: Maybe when I’m about ten years older. That might be more of a
fair fight for her.
The Strange Times: So how about 2008? Ready to throw your hat in the ring?
Hillary Clinton: Not even close. As soon as you declare your intention to run
your enemies start to attack you. The plan is to sit back and watch Bush’s
popularity erode for the next year and a half and to paint his would-be
replacements with the same brush. And to get my mug in the papers a lot for
saying what clods the Republicans are.
The Strange Times: What’s your take on the recent payola scandals in
Congress? Manna from heaven?
Hillary Clinton: Pretty much. We Democrats can’t claim total purity, but it’s been
all Republican partisans facing indictments. That’s bound to help us gain some
seats in 2006. Assuming the story continues to get headlines for awhile.
Americans tend to forget what happened six months ago.
The Strange Times: Some say the Democrats’ problem is that they can’t get
together on any coherent ideas of their own.
Hillary Clinton: We tried having big ideas when Bill was President and it cost us
control of Congress and made us the target for six years of relentless attacks from
the right. For now we’ll settle for bashing the other side’s bad ideas for awhile.
The Strange Times: One last deeply personal question; is your husband really
that good, or is it just his power that gets the chicks?
Hillary Clinton: If you only think about one thing all of the time your likely to get
very good at it. Why do you think I haven’t left the sorry son of a bitch?
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